Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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