I looked at my own cervix.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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