Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
The best revenge is premature balding
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
