some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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