I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
