the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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