Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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