Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
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