I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
