why didn't you poke me back
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
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This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
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So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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