so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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