did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
