My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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