do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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