That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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