Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
