why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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