Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
