So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm having to shit out rocks
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
