Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
