So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
