I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
