Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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