like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
