I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
