are you still at the devil's house?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
