After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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