So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
