so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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