the new term for farting is butt boxing.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
