I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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