I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
