i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
