I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
