I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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