i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
if i died would you start the facebook group?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
