we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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