Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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