We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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