...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It's blow job season.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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