we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
