singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
