Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
