i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
