True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
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Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
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I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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