YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize