i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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