It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
