Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
