my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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