she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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