Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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