This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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