At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
