I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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