Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
