I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
