I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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