My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Sorry about my life...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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