You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
