I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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