You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize