hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
